cHeF dE sUeH wAh’S bLoG

Countdown to operation: 11 days 11 hours, 42 minutes.

I am having a feeling that the operation would leave me a real bad knee. I just feel uncomthable with this. Percentage of death is only 20% but i felt it would be 80%.

If anything happens to me, i would leave the world with nothing. I know i have few true friends. But it would be good enough.

I remembered this phrase which a friend has forward to me which was also recorded in my diary. ‘When i was born, i was crying and everyone around me smile. When i die, i would be the one who smile and everyone around me are crying.’

Who would cry when i die? I really wanna cherish them now before i go.

Lifes unpredictable i shall say. Recalling when i was 14 working in pizza hut, a friend named Thomas whom had told me that he loves my cooking. Thou its just bread sticks and garlic bread. It had encouraged me to persue into being a great chef. 2 days later, Jun ming called me telling me that Thomas’ dead in a car accident getting ramped by several vehicle in Malaysia. He was 22 then. This has thaught me how unpredictable is life.

If i leave this world today, maybe next week. Perhaps next year or maybe the next century. I really wanna leave this entry for the world. I have no will, i have no pocessions. I know the world will be short of one guy with a true heart.

I was thinking of all the people whom i loved. My grandma, who have took care of me when i was a baby. I love her but didnt know how to show.

Mei jun, the one whom taught me what is it like to love some one and to be love. Thou the time is short, i really cherish it. Your words may be harsh. But i know you have of a heart of toufu.

My friends, too much people to list. But the ones that know i cherished them, they know they are included. Guys! Thanks for giving me a helping hand when i really needed it. Really appreciated that.

I really don’t know what will happen to me after the operation. But lets wish me good luck. From what i have achived, i am happy but i am seeking for more achievements in life and will be a great chef one day, not disapointing late Thomas for that.

Watched Batman the dark knight for a few minuites a few days back online.

Had a werid dream last night that goes like, 3 mafia shit came to my place trying to assault me in my bedroom. Grabbed my buck’s nighthawk from my bedside and did some krav-maga moves learnt on youtube. Stabbed 2 mafia shit and shot the other one with a glock 19. From them, i obtained a G19 with 8 rounds and a M1D Garand with 10 rounds. Which idiot will go into a CQB situation with a M1D?

Woke up and realised its like 4.45am and went back to sleep sweaty.

This time, Joker(close friends know that i have clownophobia) with his bunch of guys were trying to snipe for me at the house opposite my balcony. Using all the tatctical moves i know to avoid being sniped. My range finder once told me that its 22.8m away from my room to the window where the sniper is. With the M1D on my sling and G19 on my JRspeed, i fired 4 shots before i can get that assasin due to adaranline(i have never shot anything more than airsoft, laser tag and paintball killing someone before).

The worse feared. Joker was holding cookie monster hostage with a bayonet with his bunch of assasins. Fuck man! Dont make her smile(by cutting her mouth)! This time, from my front gate. Remembering that i have only 14 rounds left, i tried firing at Joker thru some holes(designs for my staircase) from the staircase. I cant see the fore sight and blindly fired 3 rounds but it didnt hurt anyone. Fuck! 11 rounds versus a whole van load of assasins.

Using what i saw Christ used training his guys on staircase clearance, i sniped with my M1D that i some how mount my eotech 553 scope and prone on the stair case landing hoping to get some shit of those idiots. But, it somehow failed getting myself killed.

Woke up again and realised what will happen to cookie monster??!!

This time is at 7.30am. Slept again and somehow drempt that cookie monster is bought to some lightly forested park with cookie monster as a bait for me to get there. Shit! So much joker ah? This time, i was left with 2 rounds of ammo on my M1D. Fuck! How do i fucking shoot some idiots with 2 rounds? 1 for myself and 1 for cookie monster?

So did some slit of troat to a few jokers and retrieved a M700 with a huge amount of ammo.

Fuck la! Dont have to go so much into details. Sounds like some hardcore gamers in their dream land.

In the end of the day, i realised how much have i fallen for cookie monster.

Loosing 2 friends and 2 brothers may seem sad for me.

ok lets start with the 2 so called friends and 1 so called brother. Went drinking with them somewhere last month and realised that my wallets empty. With no hassles, they just took a cab and left. Leaving me all alone at 4am in tanjong pagar to fend for myself. Cant be tollerated. So the 1 ass was kicked and told to fuck off.

A week before the cab incident, as i’ve mentioned that nina incident when one ass was still in contact with her and delibrately bought her to the pub knowingly i was there. Man. I want his blood.

1 brother. I should not mention names, were present on both occasions. The cab incident, leave without even thinking. FUCK HIM! I forgave him and was even talking to him on the phone earlier. He needed extra income, i look high and low for freelance jobs for him. He needed cash, i’m broke, sorry. I needed him to just help me make a buzzer with trip wire, he screw me up. This is what brother is for? So fuck his mom and leave him alone.

Just saw nina in town yesterday. I didnt remember who the hell she is but she gave me that look of fear when she sees me. Without stopping, i just went on and realised it was her. Forget it! No point gonna get some blood. So i told the last bro. Ke siao again. Dont know how, everything dragged into me thinking its everyones fault.

Called her last sunday to look for cash inorder not to get charged. Based on her tone, i knew that she will not help. Now her excuse, want me to learn. Fuck! You are buying illegal cigarettes yourself and fuck me for a small offence when i am just trying to bring in a packet of tobacco?

But its sure nice to have 3 new friends that popped out of nowhere today. So lets forget bout those idiots and start to cherish TRUE FRIENDS!

Just had my third anniversary of bachelorhood just last sunday. Thou 3 years aint long, it has thaught me lots of stuffs that i have never known for 17 years of life.

How do you survive without friends? How do you survive in a place that you know no one, dont know their language, culture and food? I have learnt it all. Thou the time i learn to stand up when i fall is really long, i know how to avoid how to not fall in the first place.

Have not been seeing her for almost 3 months and i am gonna doubt if i am gonna see her again. Called her a couple of weeks back and asked if she wanna go jb. She called me to bring in pirated vcds for her. What do i gain? I shall question myself. A girl that has no self respect neither does she respect anyone els. Why shall i help her smuggle things into the country when she dont even call her own malaysian poor fuck boyfriend to smuggle for her?

I just gave her a test. By telling her that i am being fined for $500 for bringing in 2 packets of cigarettes and am in the lock up desperately in need of the money. She would only reply by sms, sorry. cant help you. Would she ever help me if i am being caught by the customs for bringing in her pirated vcds? I have already got the answers!

Ok. Fuck her. Lets get back to topic. What i’ve learnt.

Went to hong kong with Caleb when he is kindda busy. Survived that 5 days in hk. And knew hot warm is that to have friends.

No friends around me when she first left me. Now, i understand what friendship is.

Know what friends are.

Little things i’ve learnt but again, its life.

DO NOT BUY CONTRABAND CIGARETTES!

FINE S$500

Contraband cigarettes might fund terrorist networks in the rigeon or illegal activities. Thats a statement from the police some months back.

Marlboro $12.60, compared to $5.20 back in 2002. Cigarette prices have rose for more than 200% just in 6 years! I would not support terrorism but if a communist is gonna set foot in Singapore, i would volunteer!

For the freedom of Singapore! We should have the rights of owning guns in our nation for our protection and freedom. The rights to pay what is needed, not being controlled by the goverment in terms of finance! ERP is errecting from 4 to almost a hundred over just 8 years. Sucking every cent out of our pocket. Food cost have increased.

NTUC fairprice which is partially owned by the goverment is supporting urging people to support their house brand since they generate more profit margin. GST is increasing but not our pay. Calculating as a soldier, an annual pay of S$4800. With rebate of S$200 a year for a peroid of 2-3 years. We are not paying GST for only S$2857.

The finance of Singapore is getting stronger. True. Really true. But it applies to the goverment sector. Some poor aunties at the market is not making a living well as before thanks to ntuc. Taxi drivers dont feel much difference due to the taxi fare hike since diesel and taxi rent is going up non-stop. Every cost is rising due to the oil and food price hikes. Morever Malaysian fuel and the 3/4 tank law. Do you see the goverment doing something about the fuel and food cost going up? They did things for show! To help the lower income families but wait! Aint we citizens of the country too? We are also getting poor!

People often say that now, army pay is getting better with $400. Cigarettes have went so much higher, assuming a packet a day soldier. Approx $306, bus and train concession, $111. Food and leisure(assuming club once a month and dining out 2 times a month would cost $150). How would that fucking money ever be enough? To be in nice words, we are soldiers. In the bad ones, we are slaves to the nations being treated worse than bangalas. Girlfriends dump us, girls avoid us, civilians complain about us that they have been doing regularly like going to the arcade, smoke in the public and hugging your girlfriend. Officers got us to do all the shit jobs like setting up everything for a fucking function that we will never get to enjoy like the regulars.

Why am i in this fucked up country by the way?

This blog is a personal blog of Dawn Lim. This blog DOES NOT represent any company, organizations, countries or whatsoever.

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Did you donate to the Sichuan relieve fund?

Why didnt you donate??!! Its your mother country!

This is what i got after speaking to a PRC. Look. My race is chinese. I am never a citizen of china. Do you think i care about your damn disgraceful shit dump?

Why do the ang mo curse and swear at me? Why did that Hong kie ignore me?

I am a singaporean! I just know how the hell do i get to Mong kok MTR! I did nothing wrong to you!

Thanks to THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA. In italy, I’m called a Chinx. In the US, i am called Charlie. In oz, i am called shit head.

Fuck man! It aint my fault! Its those PRC that spoilt market!

Why do we donate to China when no one even cares for the pityful(maybe not so) ah pek who were blind by lust resulting their CPF being conned by those ah thiong.

Why shall i donate to such a shit dump since they are disgracing themselves and the fellow chinese around the world. Remebering what Mao Zhi Dong(that fucker dont bathe for up to 6 months! did u smell something?) said, ‘Where there is sun shine, theres chinese.’ which have offended those ang mohs! I ever said this back in kampung, hainan island, ‘Hainanese will never be even known to the world if my forefathers had stayed behind instead of migrating’.

True enough! Name me some famous hainanese dishes! Hainanese chicken rice(even some muds are calling it HAINANESE NASI AYAM(have u even tasted an authentic hainanese chicken rice before?)). Hainanese chicken rick taste bad with its titanium coated chicken back in kampung. Who made it famous? Singaporeans, or maybe south-east asian hainanese. Thanks to its addition of garlic, ginger and screwpine(pandan) leaves. Many did not know, hainan is never famous for its chicken rice even to its origin town, 文昌（wen chang) where my kampung is in. And where the world know to find the best chicken rice? Singapore. We also gotta thank Chef Lee of Chatter box, Marittus Mandrin for doing a great job for that.

Beef noodles? I shall admit. They have reasonable beef noodles. No msg added! No chicken powder! The 50 plus yo auntie told me. I started giggling. Those chop stick holder are once chicken powder cans. With about 20 tables, laying each table with one chicken powder can. Bull shit!

Kaya? Believe it or not. You can NEVER find it in Hainan. It also originate in South-east asia, particularly Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia. I even bought a packet of vacum packed kaya there as my ration.

Overall, the food in hainan island was bad. Worse than i have ever imagined. 14 year old cute tanned waitress, clubbers dancing even worse than the late ah meng(which made me the dancing king), chefs that wear a badly stained chef jacket, rubber slippers and tomb raider shorts. I rembered saying; If i got the money, i will do china proud. By sending a nuclear bomb all the way straight to the middle of china, making it a piece of flat land. Solving all the problems caused.

PRC are infesting singapore. They steal our job, spoil our market, stealing our food, vandalising our streets, stealing our belongings and even steal my seat on public transport! We need none of them in here!

Was issued some donation cards on Wednesday by the army for some charity organisation, service men who suffer from perment injuries to get by their life hood and some president challenge thing. 7 extras for those who lost the card or might get charged. Meaning? Detention barracks! I was reluctant to get the card and initially refuse to accept the card. Better still, theres a quota of $12 per soldier, if not top up the remaining sum by YOUR OWN POCKET. Stating that their target is $400,000. There are 300 000 soldiers in Singapore on the papers on monday due to the death of 2 soldiers the week before.

I was arguing about the top up since army pay is only $400 which $12 is equevelent to a days pay. Fuck! Is there a law protecting us? Military law are there only to harm us, sending us into detention barracks(in a nice term or JAIL in a bad term) for every small thing we’ve done wrong. Late? Kena confine. Dont feel like working and wanna quit your job which you can never quit? Go db.

I am just an ordinary citizen paying my taxes. I dont want to be a soldier. Even a soldier pays taxes. Recieved $100 a year for GST rebate. Calculated with $400(army pay) times 12 months which ends up with $4800. Assuming that every cent is spent in the country with GST, i end up paying $338 worth of GST! Fuel prices have went up, the food and general supplies have went up, the water prices have increased, the electrict cost more, cigarettes have cost $5.20 only 5 years back. Now it costs $12.60! Pay increased by $50 from $3502 years ago. What is $400?

A full time national service man works like a dog while the regulars are usually seen shaking their balls and charging people like theres no tommorw. What will Singapore be when the pittyful ns guys decide to go on a strike? I would support that!

Just look at www.stomp.com.sg how many soldiers are featured there? Yes. I am featured there, 2 reservist got featured as they put their bags on the chairs, 1 guy from amour got featured cos he go arcade and play time crisist 4 and there are too much to mention. We get pinalise for fuck! Do civilians blog? Do civilians put their bags on the chairs on mrt? Do civilians play time crisist after work?

Soldiers are not to be seen wearing uniform smoking, being close to his girlfriend and blah blah blah. Whats wrong with hugging a girlfriend? Whats wrong with smoking?

Even fucking your girlfriend, you gotta strip la! So thats no offence. Fair enough. But hugging your girlfriend aint wrong. Do civilians hug their girlfriend after work? Or maybe getting off the airport for not seeing your girlfriend for maybe a week? A month? Perhaps a year. Civilians can do that in their uniforms. May it be a chef, a waiter, a handphone promoter, a businessman, an undertaker. Whats the fuss about a soldier? Its also a job, to me is considered slavery. A job that you cant quit and you are serverly underpaid. A unskilled worker can command double of what a soldier has now.

Smoking. Whats the fucking problem with smoking in uniforms? Its our freedom to smoke killing ourselves slowly. We are paying $12.60 for a packet of cigarettes like the general public! But why cant we smoke in uniform? Do we get to buy duty free cigarettes in camp? Just like the $1.20 can of beer.

Why is there a need for beer to be sold in the camp? Getting the regulars drunk even before they start work? Why are they duty free? They command regular pay like any regular job and sometimes, their job scope make me wonder if my taxes are worth it. Tipsy when they work, whats the point? Our soldiers(refering to national service) here get to get all the shit and are not allowed to even bring alcohol into the camp, morever the duty unpaid booze. We deserve it more than the getting paid for nothing done regulars!

Back to topic, donation.

Why is the SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES donating to a benifit nothing for us country when they cant even manage their own society, forcing their soldiers to donate. HARD EARNED money i gotta say. Soldiers who get perment injuries and would affect their lifehood is supposed to be paid by the army, not donations!

You got the money, you donate! Dont force us to donate!

Was out with Steph last weekend(1) when she was having problems with her girl. I just hate that to happen. And a family member of hers is critically ill which made her even more stressed.

Stef’s a person who i really really give my trust to and a person who i really care. So lets let action speak instead of words.

Being a couple is near imposible and i just want her as a close friend. I could say that apart from Jun, she knows most about me. My usual quote, ‘Brothers are always first. Girls are everywhere on the streets but brothers are never to be found on the streets but in your heart.’ I believe that having a best friend is a one of a million chance.

I remembered what Jun said when she was pretty drunk and her boyfriend dumped her when we were out clubbing at Dbl O several months back.

Why didnt you treat me nicely? Why did you slap me? See? I love you so much and you allow me to let other guys play! Why did you do this to me?

My tear start to run like a tap. I just hate myself for hearing that. I’m a changed man now. I always loved her but, i just didnt know how to show her. I had my stress. Family not accepting her, neither does her family accept me. Now, its the past and will just wish her good luck . no point of having another thought about it. Thou, till now shes the one i loved most. Jun.

Have been drinking almost 3 nights a week for the past 2 months. And am really gonna stop that to totally none or once a month or two. Realised that those drinking buddies are a bunck of cock suckers.

Met nina like last month while drinking at.. Found her really sweet and somehow fallen for her. But she said she was returning to thailand in a weeks time and wanted to meet. Took leave and went to meet her but instead, got a play out. Fuck! 1 days leave! How expensive is that in the army? Fine. Got a play out and was told that she was leaving. A certain degree of sadness arouse. But who cares? Women are everywhere on the streets.

My closest friends know. I hate being lied to. Hate that i can kill because of that.

Was drinking last weekend(1) with Bro, Kwek, his friend and Rias. Knowing that i am serious about nina and Rias was keeping something from me that i have realised recently. Now i know. Hes with nina, morever keeping me in the dark. Forget it! And he bought nina out for drinks with me around. I wont go if i knew that she was comming! I was told only 5 minutes before rias came with her. I walked off. Not wanting to cause any trouble or get anyone killed.

Kwek followed. But i was just too pissed to talk and dont know how to even react. Fuck! I’ve paid $30 for that booze! Finish it and leave! It aint too late! But damn! We still have more than half a bottle of Chivas Regal! Down and drunk after 4 shots of Chivas Regal neat. Was dead pissed with what happend and wanted them both wacked. I think the rest of the guys know about my unhappyness and tried talking to me.

Maybe, just one person know. I dont talk when i’m pissed. I will get more pissed when they do that. They left, like after 20 minutes but that sure feel really long. Was in a daze when that happend.

Cordon bleu opened a branch in Thailand. Woohoo!

I now pledge myself, never to drink more than once a forthnight.

After a bottle of Chivas getting really tippsy, went to seven eleven to get some pizza(haha as usual) and met this super duper ang mo siao. Got to know her and exchanged numbers. When was the last time i got a girls number? Hmm… Oh yeah. About 2 months ago, at FHA.

Having very serious thoughts of going to Thailand for further studies before i kiss my Singaporean passport goodbye. But have totally changed my mind after getting a 100% bad stomach after thai food apart from thai express.

Ok. I know nuts about thai food. Nam plah is fish sauce, my favourite seasoning even replacing it with soy sauce. Som tum, thai green papaya salad, really great with flavours and textures but a little too tad flavourful. Tom yum, as usual, everyone knows it. But did you know? This soup has a thousand and one variations to it? Clear(without even oil and colour), red(with chilli oil), coconut milk variety and so on. Phad thai, was what i really mutter last night when i was drunk, the essence of thai as its name suggest, thai. A combination of thai kuay teow, shrimps, squid, sometimes cuttlefish, eggs, raw tao gay, raw chinese chives, raw thai sweet basil, add yourself of karrif lime, sugar, nam plah, chilli powder and chilli sauce. Nam kah kai - karrif lime leaf, lime juice, lemon grass and blue ginger infused coconut and chicken stock with chicken chunks. Thai food is always served with a plate washed and cut raw cabbage, long beans, thai sweet basil, tao gay and other vegetables which is almost seemed unedible to the Singaporeans.

Thai food i would consider as a wonder of the world. Such flavourful cuisine which wins my heart a thousand times more than indian food. I have this rare chance of eatting at well known thai restruants after Bro and Kwek has their thai girlfriends and more or less, they are authentic thai, Bangkok style. Tried eatting at a thai restruant Golden mile like last month resulted me in a real bad troat for 3 weeks(thanks to the som tum and tom yum). Tried last night and it gave me the runs. Damn! Am i just unlucky to eat contiminated food?

Studing in Thailand is not only for the papers. The experience counts too. Eatting thai food for 3 weeks to 6 months make me feel like a local and understand their food. Being there also make me understand their culture. Booze are cheap, guns are easily avaliable. Thats heaven!!! But i speak no more thai than au kan mai?

Thoughts of getting to Thailand for my culinary education are getting a second thought.