cHeF dE sUeH wAh’S bLoG

Great. After 4 days of hard work, and today is my self declared off from school which i am suppose to be in right now. Have been thinking to write this page for several days already

I have to say, my dreams always turn out to be the truth.

I have saw her.

I did saw her which is mine in the future.

I have not met her personally nor saw her in the reality.

It is in my deams which i am sure that she exists. She is soft spoken, mild tempered and didnt mind if i was not by her side for a couple of months while i am working overseas which i am sure that i would be doing that. She dont mind my temper which is horrible, neither that i am rich or poor. She understands which is most important.

One point i think thats really important. She can sing!!! Meijun’s singing is horrible which caused me a nightmare for 2 years which was 731 nightmares, 1 a night! i wanna give that a stop!

I don’t know if it would be Kanas. I don’t think so. For the reason, 1437 Miles apart.

Honestly, i am not picky but i trust my feelings. Fine! Fine! Fine! I would just wait and see. See who unlucky enough would go for this foul-mouthed, rough and voilent bastard.

Not that i hate the greese on my face, the oil splatters on my hand, the intense heat and noise in the kitchen, getting screamed by an un-reasonable chef, eatting dog food meals provided, the long working hours and low pay.

I hate the people. Their thinking. Their honesty. Which most people thought that go to a reputated restruant, get the best food, best hygine and best quality.

Craps! I’ve been working in this industry for almost 10 years now, yes. 10 years. At least i’ve been in the restruants for the past 3 years(excluding fast food outlets.) which to say, one of the most old bird in the class. I never respected them because, they are simpily took food as a job and never a passion. I have lost intrest in that because, no one seemed to bother for this thing called passion. So, fuck them!

Do you have a clue whats happening in a kitchen if you are not working there?

Have you realised that i never change my food but asks for a refund? Why? Alright. I did this also. So i am also an expert in doing this. Complain the first time, i’ll do one that is sure to be okay. If the customer complains the second time, great! You’re dead. I’ll throw the food on the greesy, littered, wet floor, step it when its almost done and sear it again. Hmm good food? Great food!

Finding soups for example Puree of carrot. Bright yellow colour? Where is that carrot from? Japan? Special? Taste sour and the waiter tells you it should be that way? Craps! Soup cant be used for more than 2 days. But restruants don’t bother about it. Or shall i say the chef don’t bother about it. So you are purely drinking soup that has been turned bad which was littered with gallons of chicken powder and MSG. Dream of having chicken stock tonight!

I hate the theory of Singaporean chefs. Heck care, cheat what you can, save cost whch i think its just the kiasu method. My one principal of cooking, honesty.

Use the best ingredient you can get with your budget, msg, chicken powder and sorts are a strict no no. No instant food(like mayonese and thousand island), no instant demi glaze, all by its natural flavour. I am planning for my chef soloutions a few years down the road, and this will be my theory. This would be my theory forever.

I hate the world.

I hated the world.

There is obviously no justice and what exist are just backstab, unreasonable, favourism and why just cant someone be honest?

$2000.

Is that all you take to sell yourself?

$2000.

Is that what you do to steal a watch worth that price?

If the answer is yes, F-U-C-K Y-O-U!

Yes. Its an expensive watch I shall say. If i were to find or to steal it, I wont return it to the owner. So does the mojority of the world does. A watch might be only two dollars. But, the sentimental value is much more than that. A watch i owned for 10 years, is finally gone. Might be gone from a friend, a brother or someone whom i do not know. Its stolen. Very very sad to say. I trusted Nicholas did not take it. I swear that he wonuld not do that. I dont know who now. I dont wish to know. Pawning this thing, simpily you would get $1000(i think) but the price you paid for the name T-H-I-E-F, is much more than that.  It would be a name for a lifetime. So be it. THIEF.

Got into trouble yesterday, there was a "Witness". Hes there to add salt onto my wounds. Great! MAX LEONG WAI KIT. Make stories to take revenge? Fine! I don’t care. You will have your day to come max. One day, prehaps JESUS will give you what will deserve. I dont want to discrimate a religeon. Jeasus taught you to lie? Jesus taught you to frame? Fine. Jesus is the ‘LORD’. So if your lord teaches you to frame, lie and subotage, fine! I dont believe in Jesus, Islam or any religeons. I believe in faith and most importantly, MYSELF. I believed that everything i did is my destiny. I dont listen to anyone but this thing called myself. I trust no one but myself. So FUCK YOU if you don’t trust yourself but to blindly believe in things, which is call mis-justice. FUCK YOU is you are there out to steal with a title called T-H-I-E-F. May it be a pencil from someone’s pencil box or a PDA which costs $2000. FUCK YOU if you accuse someone because he had offended you in other ways which i believe one day, you will get your punishment. One day, you would get something much much more harder than the person who you have accused.

Snowy & million went missing for 5 days already. Juz really really miss them. Wondering how are they doing now. After 5 hours of walking n pasting flyers at Ang mo kio and Serangoon north, it sucks! Kanas had a guy, i didnt want to disturb her. five years! i will be in hong kong to woo her. i promise. my target was never the hong kong market. i love vienna, i love europe. i dont want to face unreasonable asians. i dont want to work for someone. i want to be my boss. no one orders me around. even if he orders me, i want it with respect and justice.

i dont want to be a chef. i want respect as one when time comes though i dont deserve it now, i will deserve it soon.

Yup. Returned from Hong kong. A week from now. Ahh!! I miss Hong kong!! Perhaps its like sunday blues u know.. Its another Jon right now! No more Jon everyone knows. Had some reflections in Hong kong. You know what? I’ve lost 27kg in a year! From 129 to 102kg now. Thanks to my depression, food reduction, smoking, and 6 apples, 4 oranges a day.

It will be a really long blog for my Hong kong diary for the next few posts.

Another girl now kept my heart. She has a boyfriend! But fuck it! Waiting for Mei jun for 3 years, another 13 years mean nothing. A girl in Hong kong, knew her for 1 day(What??!!) Alright. I wanted to woo another local girl before i went Hong kong. But, this girl in hk really attracted me. The proccess of knowing her goes like that.

After arriving in Hong kong, i proceeded to the hotel which i had made arrangements in Singapore thru phone and credit card. Caleb wasnt able to meet me in the airport. So i went all by myself to the hotel which i did not have a clue where is that. All i know, near Ya ma tei mrt station. So i took a bus which took me to the mrt station and asked for directions how on earth do i get to the hotel. After like two hours of direction asking, i went to the hotel to check in and wasnt able to do so as i was under eighteen. I called a reletive there and he’d help me to check in. But he needed an hour to arrive.

So i called caleb to go lunch and return to the hotel to wait for my reletive. That asshole arrived 30minutes later with another blue haired guy and we later went to Neway KTV for lunch and you know.. what do we do there.. half way thru the KTV session, uncle called me on my mobile and told me he was there. So i rushed back to the hotel and did the checking in stuffs and let my stuffs in my room. I rushed back to the KTV like 30 minutes later to Room 79. A girl in purple was in the room and i said, sorry. went to the wrong room.

I called caleb and he told me she was a friend of his and just stay in the room. So, i just kept quiet and listen to her singing. After like 1 or 2 songs, she spoke to me in a really nice voice. Hi! I am Kanas, caleb’s ex classmate. So.. you must be his friend from singapore?

Yes! I’m his classmate. And i am Jonathan, you may call me Jon. I said. I begun to dedicate songs when i heared her singing a cantonese song which was soooo sweet. Next, came my song. From the bottom of my broken heart, from Britney Spears. Ya ya ya. I sung really horribally. I praised her singings which was really good. Even stephanie sun, faye wong or sammi cheng gotta stand aside if she was in the showbiz. And she said my voice was nice too. I smiled, thinking "ya right! my foot ah! dont you need to lick my ass?"

after ktv which was almost eight(i arrived in hk @ 12pm anyway..) we went for dinner at some fucking restruant which served exotic menu that i didnt really dare to eat. So the decision is left to Caleb who had ordered roast goose, pig intestines, stir fried frog leg with celery and those funny funny stuffs. So, i only ate the roast goose, celery that came with the frog leg and rice. I took some goose intestines by accident as i thought it was hor fun that came with the pork intestines which made me almost puke after knowing what was that. I paid for the meal which cost slightly more than a hundred bucks which was pretty reasonable for a table of 12 i think..

After a neo print, i decided to go back to the hotel to get changed as i was feeling quite sucky. Caleb went along and i did not know why did Kanas and another girl went along. We took a cab to the hotel which landed us at YMCA instead of YWCA. We took a 20 minutes walk to the hotel when Caleb was busy chatting with the other girl. I chatted with Kanas realised that she was wearing braces, one head shorter than me and was really sweet. After getting to the hotel, i handed Kanas a packet of cigarettes as i had like 2 cartons of cigarettes with me. She declined and told me to have it for myself and i told her i had too much for myself. Instead of thank you and accepting the cigarettes, i had a nagging session telling me not to buy so much cigarettes if i cant finish them and dont spent so much even i had the money which i could keep it for myself.

Right. Fine! So we later sent the two girls to the bus interchange and caleb told me he would be busy to accompany me to Ocean park and Disneyland. So i asked Kanas if she would be able to go with me which she delined again as she would be having some classes. After she left and did not have a chance to see her till my last day in hong kong. I kept thinking who shall i choose. Valene or Kanas. An answer came to my mind on the last morning in Hong kong. I’ve expected Kanas to be there when we had our last breakfast in Hong kong. She wasnt present. By the time Caleb and I were leaving, Wen hao told me that Kanas was comming. So i bought a rose from the florist at the airport and wrote a card declaring whats happening. She came really late and i just handed her the rose with the card and labled Kennith, which said are you sure this is for me?

Yes! i said.

I quickly took a picture with her and ran to the boarding gate. That was the last time i’ve saw her.

I am sure i will want her to spent the next 50 years with her though knowing her for just a day. Will look forward for my next trip to hong kong. By then, shes mine! Because i believe this thing called Love at first sight and FAITH.

Lets let faith to decide.

Right. Finished all my make up lessons at Rosette, purchased my air ticket to Hong Kong, packed up my stuffs and fly for my first holiday in 3 years, at least a relaxed one.

With Mei jun around, i could not enjoy a holiday without her. Missing her till a zombie stage, going on a daze whever i go and sobbing at nite when no one was awake to see me sob. I may look heartless, worthless while i was really attached to her. I may seembed to enjoy myself alot during my trips, its all craps.

Remembering my only holiday during my two year reletionship with her. To Genting Highlands, with my family. I think it was December 2003 during our school holidays while working at Pizza Hut together. Before going, I’ve got her a bear about the size of my hand, in a yellow t-shirt and hugging a rose taller than it was and contained in a transperent plastic capsule from yellow shop just after work. She was so happy to see it and I bought her home on the new bike i’ve got several days before, hugging really thight with both of us sobbing. It was such a memorable moment that i dont think i can forget for at least the next 5 years. That feeling sux! Even for leaving just 4 days. In a daze in Genting getting to no where, even the food tasted bland. Forget it! Wont have this feeling this time round for my holiday in Hong Kong.

Now, I’ve learnt. Not to go for it. Just let it go, and it would come to me. Dont think of a girl friend(i have never thought of it anyway..). When time comes, she’ll be here. I have loads of weak points as well as strong ones. I might not be good in looks, my attitute sux and lots more. But I’m sure someone, someday would either learn to accept it or change me if she could, like Mei jun(which is almost imposible).

During this moment of being single, i will reflex and pursuade on my career which i am sure that its already well planned of, being a sous chef at some high end hotel, open my company, sit back and relax like what my dad has done, either doing his rabbit stuffs or enjoy fishing almost daily. Get married, have kids, retire as a rojak uncle, die and rest in peace. Looks like i have kindda found that girl but… I dont know it we’d be together.

Will never be like the same old Jon that everyone knows. Mei jun, a past.

Never look back till the end of the road. During the journey, there are lots of turns and troubles which never escape but counter it. One day, I am sure that i will be at the end of it.