cHeF dE sUeH wAh’S bLoG

Damn! Got into trouble by the stupid law again. I still gotta say its not totally my fault just like the one 4733 case last january. My buds know what it actually ment la. Dont wanna go into details.

Dear came just now. Wanna fry some beehoon since am really financially dry already. Then some shit happend and the cops are comming. Damn! Time to run!

I ment to limp!

So limped to the nearby park and spoke to dear. As the speaking go by, i got to know dear even more than i ever had for the past almost 2 months i got to know her.

Got back 2 hours later and the cops are long gone. So heck them la!

Went home, got a bath and had a rest. Like 5+, a 6218…. number called me. Knew its from amk police station with their main lines 62180000. Ignored that call and a sms came and told me to call them and its the police. Called and spoke to the investigation officer. Was turn off from everything and have not eatten anything more than 2 bites of crunchy chocolate and 2 slices of meiji plain crackers.

Here, i knew who cared of me. Dear cried non-stop. Rod cant stop calling. Chua cant stop advising. They cared.

But still can blog at this time, i’m totally fine.

Gonna love jin yee even more. Love u dear.

Was out with Jean yesterday. Wasnt the most fantastic day with action and some shitty stuffs pissing me off.

Went to Alexander hospital again for my medical appoiment at 10am and was supposed to go for physcio theraphy at 2 when i was just too lazy to go. That wasnt anything nice by the way. Tourturing myself and putting my knee on an awkward position hurting really badly.

Met dear at 9.30am when we shared this packet of milo before getting on the shuttle bus getting to AH. Registered and waited for like an hour before seeing the surgeon. Damn. Was thad neverous for getting another jab. Yep. I am getting total fear in injections now, thanks to that ass who poked me 14 times.

Went for lunch at the coffee shop opposite for some sam lou horfun and fried fish beehoon(man. its crap. The fish tastes muddy and obviously from belly area) where dear said the food there to be good. No choice. Things goes wrong. Later beach road and jurong east for some business which i would never bring dear to if possible. Stupid f1 changed the whole damn route delaying us for like an hour. Went around Singapore then to beach road.

Later went jurong east and had some snacks of long john. Went to deposit like $570 when all the cash stuck in the stupid cash deposit machine. Was sooo pissed and it was just after 6. Stomped into the bank and demanded my money back. After like 20 minutes with dear in the bank, they promised to deposit $220 back first and the balance the next day.

Met steph, went for the dinner at xin wang with har kao(yay!), siew mai, spring rolls, chicken feet, century egg congee and some pork chop noodles(this is nothing compared to the one i had in hk) then went for movies. The movie was so so when steph gave me and dear a lift home. thanks ah bro.

I am starting to think that Jean will be my princess. Feelings tell me so.

Its 5.30am still turning and flipping, eyes filled with tears. Its been barely 2 weeks i’m with Jean. Things are turning bad. I am afraid i would get hurt again. Afraid real badly.

Did something wrong to Jean last evening and got a sms from her after hanging up the phone when she was on her way home since the trains too noisy for me to make out what she was saying. A text came, I dont feel like talking to you now…

My heart collapsed. I wasnt talking senses anymore. I recieved a sms something like that 4 years ago. And i dont want to get what i had 3 years ago.

I had the feeling that i would go single soon. But i cant afford to get hurt again. Getting myself really hurt over another girl. I dont want to have great food infront of me and i dont have that appitite. That feeling totally sucked.

I just want Jean to be by my side, sitting infront of that fountain, munching pretzels and cream puffs, sipping lemonade. But i hope that it wont be a history anymore.

I felt bad that i’ve deprived my month’s budget when its only the 27th.  Damn! 2 weeks to go! But am gonna try make Jean happy eventhou being broke.

Lets hope that the next post aint about a broken hearted man.

Just got rid of the crutches for almost a week. But still bringing out a single crutch just when i am tired.

Was out with Jean for the first time yesterday. Shes so sweet. Constantly asking if i needed a break from standing. But lots of tine i didnt needed them. So on we went on. Meeting at the hospital to check my leg out. The surgeon who operated on me later wanted to remove some blood which is bloating on my knee and some steriods after that. Damn! 2 100ml strynges of blood. Thanks that Jean was there. If not for her, i would have walked off.

We later went to Vivo where we met Steph for lunch and a movie after that. Then we went for hankies where Steph complained that towel looked like an aunties hankie. While looking for the mens department, we some how stumbled to the kitchen department where i found this fondue pot at $19.90. Quite worth it. So got it. Went to the ferry terminal when granny called and ask if i would be home for dinner. So bought Jean along with a box of pasteries.

Took the mrt where there was this sign, Gracious is… Giving up the seat for the more needed. Looking at me having a crutch, that dumb bitch who looked like some office girl just ignore me, stuffed her fake ipod into her ears and ignored me. Wanting to stomp my crutch on her feet and hopefully breaking some bones when she needs the seat more than me, Jean stopped me and bought me to a corner. FUCK! THE FUCKING COUNTRY ARE STARTING TO GET INFESTED BY IDIOTS. LEE KUAN YEW, DO SOMETING ABOUT IT!

 Got dinner, watch the tv and Jean was time to go. Dad bought her to his office where he got Jean some freshly baked lapis cake and bought her home. Yeah. First day out with Jean. Just hope that she dont get turn off by me.

That cute nurse, Jean from ward 2 is officially my partner for hopefully the next 50 years.

Had an operation on tuesday(16th Sept) for getting rid of some scarring tissue, white blood plasma and stuffs. 2 nicely cut holes, 3 hours of wait, 2 hours of operation and an hour of recovery from anasetic. Was operated at 2pm and woke up at 4pm, not getting any sleep till 8. Steph, Gie, Rod and dear came. I was really happy that my bros and dear came.

What motivated me to wake up is purely love. My love for granny, my love for dear and my love of buddies. I dont want to upset them, inviting them by news papers for a curry chicken party with me laying in that box smiling.

Was warded for 5 days 3 nights when i, as always went around talking cock making friends. All from 17 year old trainees to 50+ year old indian cleaners. Hey! Staying in the hospital aint fun and lets make some fun out of it.

Dear came day 1 and 2 but never stayed for more than 20 minutes. If got heart, will stay for longer thou her breaks. I really wanted her to eat before she come if not, dont come. I’ve started to love her. She has the heart to do things. But i believe that she will make more effort to see me whever i am later.

I’ve started walking since Thursday thou not looking good, i’ve managed to walk like 200m in a go. All because i want to go out with Jean on Monday, pushing and traning hard not to get around in crutches and i’ve suceed.

Thats the motivation of love.

Cutting down on sticks and they will go, All by the motivation of love, loved by a person whom i love most.

Think i have used this title sometime long long time ago.

Having Jean by my side, I am starting to know what i really want. I just dont want to have a broken heart again. I dont want another idiot like Aaron who grabbed Jun right from my hand 3 year 1 month 15 days ago.

And this pattern is totally black listed. Was angry with Jean last night thanks to her 24 year ‘god brother’ whom she knew on some maple story like games. From what i’ve heard, is a totally Aaron style. A fucked up pattern that i never want to encounter again especially with Jean.

I am a person who never want to get hurt again after that two years of agony with Jun. I dont a 2 year reletionship. I want one that can last for the next 50 years would do.

I sensed something bad from Jean. I dont know what but was not too happy when her ‘god brother’  was trying to be funny again last night. Definately i will tell Jean to ignore him. Everyone knows that i am a granade waitin for its pin to be pulled out. I am a real hot person that would explode when the times right.

This guy i suppose, might be trying to break us up and grab Jean. Not that i am too sensitive. This has happend. Telling Jean and her ex craps that might not be true resulting them breaking up and not contacting. While Jean’s broken, tried to be the nice guy asking her out and grabbing her hands. What an ass. Even the blind knows his motive.

I aint sure if i am too much to stop her contacting that ass. I just want to relax and give Jean as much freedom as i could. I aint sure i could. But i also want my freedom. As i’ve said, girls are everywhere. Brothers are always there. So tresure brothers more than chicks. I would balance them. That i have never done before, noticed that i lost all my friends when i broke up with ex. At least, there was Christina, Steph and Yu siew who bought me up when i fell.

I thought that i can love a person well when i was with Jun. But i am totally wrong. I forgot how to love since she left. But lets let me love and be loved as time goes. I will learn it again just for Jean.

I want my freedom. I want Jean to be happy. I dont want to be hurt again.

Dear. If i am too sensitive or filled too much with jealousy, tell me eh.

3 years 1 month and 14 days of searching, i think i have found her. After 300 sms and countless hours on msn. Its that nurse who pop out from nowhere leaving me a pen for the hospital survey form. Whats your name ay? Its on the pen. Jeannette.

Noticed that nurse who had a handiplus and opsite postop over the handiplus. First impression was… Wah so kiasu ah? And realised that i see that nurse 20 times an hour washing her hands next to my bed at the ward which i was warded due to having persistant fever and infection to the knee operation area i did last month.

Feeling really bored, decided to disturb the nurse teasing her that she cant stop washing her hands. We soon begun to chat when theres this indian staff nurse staring at her. And she left after like 5 minutes.

Was so tired after reciving like 6 jabs of painkillers to extract some juice from knee and was closing my eyes for a nap when i felt someone touching the stitch up area on my shin. Found this trainee nurse touching the stitch think shes figering out how to remove the stitch. And Jeannette came in and left when 2 staff nurses same with 2 plastic tweesers, a pair of sissors and gauze in a kidney tray.

Dont think the staff nurses even know how to remove the stitches and anyhow wack, cutting every rope they can find. And i reject lots of cuts and instructed how they remove the lines. Finally the longest line came out and then they were removing the stitch that is having a little of in growth and i didnt dare to remove. After digging, it finally came out with lots of blood.

Time to go after filling the survey form and wanted to befriend Jeannette while i returned her her pen. And there, i got her number. After 300 sms and endless hours on msn, realised shes a real nice girl and slowly, shes the one i was looking for during the 3 years. Last night, she hinted that she has feelings for me and i was like… Uh. I am gonna woo her sooner or later knowing her ‘pattern’ which resambles someone i know.

Tried to psyco her to say that she like me in simpiler forms, she did. Telling her i had feelings on her too. I know she wasnt just someone normal. Someone special she was.

At 10.02am, a sms came. I mean… Let me be with u… Bah… Shy nar… >.<

Days of singlehood is over. Hopefully, for good and forever.

Jeanette, jiayou!

The weathers real cold and feeling really strange after taking 2 morphine filled painkillers perscribed by the surgeon.

Damn! Its sure making me relaxed but cant sleep.

Tot i lost the pills yesterday and went to the polyclinic and wanted to ask for more. Taking this thing and get caught will land yourself into deep shit i shall warn you. Morphine is a Class A drug that might land you into the hangmans moose.

Back to the topic. Wanted to redress the wound and hopefully replace the morphine pills as i have skipped several doses cos i left the pills under my hydro pack (water in cups spill twice a day) and cant find them. After getting to the clinic, i requested for a wheel chair and its the non ‘kiao kah’ one. Damn! How to sit that thing since cannot kiao kah(elevate the injured leg in some cases like mine). So i stuck to my clutches and went to the doctor. After the consulting the doctor whom declined me morphine but some useless general low grade pain killers which are better than nothing.

Then there is this chinese budhist monk in his 70s on a wheel chair asking me why am i on clutches with a smile. I replied that i fell. You take care of yourself. And whats your religeon? He asked. I replied buddhism. Eat more vegetables. I will pray a good recovery for you. I was touched for such a simple gesture have given me a better will to live my life to the fullest with strangers caring for me.

Went for a smoke while waiting to go to the dressing room when i found that the stone benches are all filled with fucking uncles just staring at me. Great! Singaporeans that dont even fuck care. When this auntie is just sitting there with her husband offered her seat and asked what happend to my leg. And here it goes again. I fell down. But this time, this auntie asked a little more. What they did to my knee in the treatment? I replied that they put in some inserts into my knee and will bio-degrade in 2 years time. Thanking the auntie before she left.

There i went to the dressing room not knowing how to open the door with two hands filled with clutches. So i opened the door a little and asked for help. So there was the nurse 2 heads shorter than me(haha i know i should not laugh but shes really short) . I was told to lie on the bed hip high and i rejected since its sooo high that i cant get up. And the nurse screamed at me. I was like what the fuck! Ok lo. She lowered the bed and i got up. Removed the crepe bandage and the padding, revealing the blood stained butterfly taped on my 3 inch long stich, 1 hole that look as good as getting stabbed by a pen and 2 x 1inch sticthes.

Got the butterfly tape out was pretty painful and the nurse got some antiseptic lotion applying them not so gentlely, drying them up with gauze and finishing with opsite sheet and gauze on the 3 inch long wound and opsite spray on the smaller wounds.

Great! Can bathe without wrapping my knee in garbage bags and duct tape.

Went to the pharmacy for the painkillers which were actually some no use sleeping pills, nausea and gastric pills.

There, i was making an excuse to get out of the polyclinic ASAP to the receptionist. After getting the que number getting out of the super squeezy line, the whole pharmacy was so damn packed with no seats ever gonna be vacant. Dammit i said to myself. This time, i will have a real bad day. Theres this ah soh in her 80s gave up her seat to me that i was reluctant to have it since she look more in need of the seat than me. Some poor fucks with fake LV bag and rose pink lip stick just stare. As thou she owns the seat which is sticked with PLEASE GIVE THIS SEAT TO THE ELDERLY and something like that. Fuck man! Can you fucking read miss fakey?

I am left with no choice but to take the seat the ah soh gave me thanking her profusely. One thing PM Lee didnt mention on national day rally apart from keeping the right lane clear on the esclator, kiao kah in the bus and so on. Its to give up your fucking seats to the more needed.

Like what Anthony Bourdain said in A cooks tour, stock brokers, white collars. Get your ass off the seats and let the more deserved have it. I shall say that i agree to it. You are seatting on a comfy chair for the last 8 hours of work while its a priverlage to have our asses on the chair for 5 minutes during work.

Its been 72 hours since i have last stood up, walking without any aid. Damn the clutches. At least i regained my sense of feel on my right feet making me easier to walk around.

The op was pretty bad after like 20 minutes of suffering on 2 x 100ml jabs to numb my right leg before the op begun.

Was to report to Alexandra Hospital at 0830hrs on 150808 and was there by then. Went to ward 1 where i was told to change into surgical gown topped with a kimono wrap. Waited till 0915 when i dont see anyone approaching me, wanted to go for a puff. Damn! I was stopped and watched how patients went out of the room. To be excorted out by doctors or nurses. There, i spotted 3 trainee doctors who are having their orientation. So i sneaked out of the ward when they were getting out of the ward. There i was! Wearing a fucking ugly kimono going for a puff.

Getting back into the ward, i wanted to poo. Yeah. That was the last time in 72 hours that i poo’ed’. Some MBBS india nurse in surgical suit completed with some SARS looking shoe wrap was looking for me. And there we go. Went to the operation theatere where i gotta remove my boxers. Damn! Wearing a fucking skirt like thing walking around the world. Walkin into the doctors changing area, which look like some pig sty, clothes hanging everywhere and getting stared by some fuck faced trainee doctors. Damn. He was the one who called me to breath as hard as i could.

After waiting for god knows how long and listening to a staff nurse who reminded me of Sydney in shatec. Damn kao bei telling the vietnamese or maybe maymar nurse not to sign for the doctor for some documents since she dont understand. Feeling like slapping that auntie. But laughed it off. Later, was told to go onto some bed that were like waist high. Removed my foot wear and was pushed into the Anasetic room getting a 30ml worth of dunno what the hell it is on my left fist. Followed by a fucking big needle on my fist again. Damn! Its the IV drip. Had really bad impression of that shit in china.

The anasatice told me that my leg will be as painful as hell when i become sobber and was told that he will numb my right leg, thigh onwards. He got 2 fucking 200ml(i think, the second biggest you can find in a pharmacy, 1 size smaller than the one u’d see ferran adria use to make apple caviar.) fully loading each to its max. I thought they were gonna jab into my IV drip which i think will be harmless. Nope. I was wrong. He came towards me and took some needle with a tube connecting to the stringe. Poked into my pelvis area and finished it in like 5 minutes? That was hell! Feeling my knee jumping like tiao tang(pocessed) and he later inject another on my knee. That was even worse. Hearing me screaming saying it hurt and he will go like sorry, sorry. Think he jab too fast. Almost to the end, my toes start jumping.

Not long later, i was pushed into the operation ward semi-consious where this young fucker in the changing room gave me some red coloured face mask and told me to breathe hard into that thing. And i did. Remembering it hurts my face due to the pressure, i fucked him telling him how to breathe hard since the pressure is so high. So he did something(i was almost dead then) and told me to breathe harder. After like 4 attempts, i am down.

Woke up like 13.30hrs the same day in a recovery ward, the first question was, what time issit. The next is, can i go to cheers? I wanna go buy something to eat. Am damn hungry.

Doze off for some time, woke up and asked the IV drip to be removed. They rejected and i threatened to remove it myself. Then i doze off again.

Was told by someone that i will be going back to ward 1 when i demanded the IV drip to be removed. But i doze off again. The next thing i remembered was that i was asked if i could get on the bed myself. I got on the bed and doze off again.

And the next time i woke up, i was told that they were gonna remove the IV drip.

That was 1530hrs when i was told to put my clothes on and go to see the physcio theraphy doctor when i was half fucked and told them that i have already seen them. Fine. Went there with a wheel chair which i have struggled a little to be there. Oh yeah. That auntie told me to change and i was like, how??!! So i took my boxers out and tried wearing. But failed. And was told to skip my boxers and wear my trousers. Ok. But was fucking tight on my right thigh since i am having some plastic braces on my knee.

So went to the psyscio theraphy ward and tried some clutches on. They were sure that i know how to use the clutches when theres theres this real hot therapist holding on my sholder incase that i fall. I was like… Er… Dont worry. I dont wanna crush on you. Still feeling confused.

After that 10 minutes theraphy, went back to ward when the other theraphist got me a pair of clutches and adjusted to my height. And awhile later, sis is here bringing me out of the hospital. Was dying for a puff. After doing the discharge papers, was pushed to the taxi stand where i was told to stay there while my sis was queing for a cab. In clutches, went to my usual smoking area in AH and started to puff. Damn! Almost puke! And while i was taking like 5 steps from the smoking area, i cant make it to walk another step and asked for help from a doctor(cos shes having some sethascope on her neck) and she just ignored me. FUCK! YOU ARE A FUCKING DOCTOR AND YOU IGNORE A PATIENT ASKING FOR HELP?! WHAT TYPE OF DOCTOR ARE YOU? And another guy whos possibaly a doctor behind me went to get help for me. Damn! What a relief to be on a wheel chair!

Got a cab and i gotta take up the whole role of back seat for me to kiao kah and got home. Was so tired that i just doze off the couch. That was like 1730 already. And woke up like 2130. Was given some instant noodles which suck like fuck. So i went back to the couch and slept till 3am when i wanted to go to the toilet. No choice but to ask for help. After getting to the toilet, feeling very sorry for grandma to give me so much help, i wanted her to go back to bed when she wanna see me sleep.

The next morning, just had some honey stars in milk and went back to sleep. So psp, surf the internet and watch tv was my day. Damn!

Will be stucked in this condition for at least 2 weeks!

Oh yeah. Steph came last night just to see me. Was sooo touched. Now, i know who my friends are.

Its the 6th time watching magic kitchen since feb 2004. Everytime i watch it, it would remind me of that special person in my life.

The movie that inspired me to be a chef. Not an ordinary chef but the best of the chefs.

Now i remember why would i pursue for a set of almost two thousand buck knife. Thanks to the sponsorship to the movie thou its just a Zwilling J.A Henckles Twin Pollux chef which is on the mid range of the knives. I should say, its not only the movie that had inspired me on the knife set but the quality of blade that i have been using since i was 12?

I had a nightmare some nights back which Jun was in. Her current boyfriend or whatsoever wanted her hands for dont know what reasons and chopped her right hand diagonally leaving her with only her thumb. Intending to chop her left palm also, i just stood there watching. I dont feel hurt nor i wanted to help her.

Maybe, its just what i feel i should not help her since she have been ‘playing’ with feelings all the while that i think she deserves it.

Operation on my right knee is just 44 hours away with 20% chances of dying. I was thinking for several days. Will i regret dying at this tender age? I should say, i will never regret. I have acomplished my objective in life and am living my life already to the fullest.

I am perhaps going happy go lucky, satisified with my life. I always wanted to truely love a person. I have done that. I wanted to be a chef. I have already fufilled it. I wanted to be free. I had that.

Things are never to be fair. It might not balance.

For instance, i want friendship, reletionship, freedom and career.

I am never able to fufill that.

With reletionship, i will never get freedom.

With career, there will never be reletionship and freedom.

With friendship, there will still be freedom and career.

You will never get the best of both world.

Thats why i want to cherish my life till the very end. Who knows i will die an hour later? Perhaps a day? Maybe a week? Lifes unpredictable.

If i am gonna die the next moment, i would eternally think about what i’ve done one day before i die. Maybe a week before i die. Perhaps a year.

I never wanna weep for a girl again cos’ its no use. Smile when things are gone. Even if you cry, they will never return.

If i am gonna die later(duh. i am not gonna commit sucide la), to all that loved me, i love u guys. for those who hate me, please forgive me. For those who don’t know me, cherish your life. You will never regret that.